| so i guess this'll be my first post of 2009.. last time i posted was when i decided i was going to BC =o and now i'm in the middle of my sophomore year. damn, how time flies.
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letters to 2008...
to my_classes,
i wanted to kick your ass. that didn't exactly happen, kind of a mutual ass kicking. you consumed my life and i hate you for it, but i guess if it's what i truly want in the end, it's okay. you've taken away some parts of my life, but in other aspects, you've given so much more, and i guess i'm thankful for that. i want to kick your ass in 2009 though, so watch out.
to ms,
what happened? we were so close, you introduced me to so many things and i hope i did the same. i'm sorry i "led" you on, but i knew that i could not have given you the time and attention you deserved if we were together. so instead, we are now on shaky ground, something that's never happened to me with an "ex," and i don't know. i can't avoid you, it's inevitable so i hope that we can get back our friendship, i know it'll take work (a lot of work), and i hope you are happy now with him, even if it isn't "possible."
to BC_circle,
i'm sorry i've been MIA this past semester. classes, lab, pulse, and work consumed my life and making the trek was difficult, but that wasn't the only reason. you've all found someone, and within our own circle of friends, and being with you guys was a constant reminder of my loneliness. it was a sort of torture that i couldn't deal with so i found others to hang out with while you guys were together. i know it's not your fault, it's mine and i'm trying to remedy the issue. it still pains me, but i just have to deal because you all do bring me happiness and remind me why i loved BC so much.
to st,
i wish you noticed that i cared, like truly noticed. i'm here to help, here to be someone for you to rely on, but i want to be more than just that person. i don't want to be just your "study buddy," i want to be someone you can curl up with on a cold day, sip hot chocolate, and watch the snow fall. i want to be your escape from the stress of school, to make you forget about your worries. i believe that's what i want, but i'm not sure and i'm afraid to disappoint you like ms, so i guess for now, i'll just have to live with being the "study buddy."
to psbc,
i am so happy i found you guys this year. i was in and out freshman year, and i regret that, but i'm here to enjoy every minute of it now. i cannot believe what i've been missing out on and i guess i wouldn't have found it if it had not been for my loneliness (i guess it's good for something). you guys make being at BC so much more enjoyable, and i look forward to all the memories i'm going to share with you guys in the future. i cannot wait for culture show and retreat and everything else that will give me joy and happiness. i'm hoping to play a bigger role from now on, being there, no matter the difficulty.
to ap_squared,
you guys are great. seriously. you make me realize that i'm not alone in this mess called life. we're here for each other, to be emo and lonely together, and to be sexy together, obviously. i've gotten good laughs from you guys and i guess although i may have that "cold nature" (the part of me that refuses to let people in), you've penetrated it and now you've got a life-long friend whenever you need it. i cannot wait for next semester to be with you guys more, enjoy your company, get good laughs, and everything else that comes with this relationship. you guys are the best and i have so much more to say, but i can't voice it here or know where to begin. it all comes out in our random, lovely chats though so i look forward to that.
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resolutions:
-being alive, (someone make me aware, please)
-be sexy haha, ap_squared
-others that i don't know at the moment
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oh, xanga how i've missed you so...
P.S. i'm tired of being a "nice guy," but that should be another post, eventually. |
